Never Leave Lonely Alone

You know, it hurts my pride to say this and I have been fighting it for a while now, but I have to say it. I am lonely. I am. And its not out of choice. These past four months, since coming home from my mission, have been the loneliest months of my life. I don't even know what to do about it anymore. There used to be a time when I couldn't fall asleep at night because I was so happy. Now I can't fall asleep at night because I am so lonely. I don't have any close friends anymore. Before my mission I had my close group of friends; Lindsay, Olivia, Kendal, Evan, and James. It used to be that I could call them any night and then I would be doing something later with them. But now Lindsay is in a relationship and I rarely see her, Olivia never responds to my calls or texts, Kendal doesn't either, Evan and I have gone our ways, and James is getting ready to get married. Where does this all leave me? It leaves me alone.

I don't even know what to do anymore. I have tried to push the thought away and I try to get myself involved with things and people. But it seems people don't want to involve me or anything. It has been months since I have been invited to do something. So I try to do it all myself. But when I invite people to do things, they always find a way not to do it. And it makes it all the harder to invite anybody to anything knowing that they are going to say "no". I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to make friends. I don't know why I am having so much trouble doing this as I have never had trouble in the past. Its not from lack of effort. I just hate having to put on my fake smile and tell people that "everything is going well" because the truth is, its not. But I know nobody cares to hear it. Life is not good.