Ukraine

I sometimes get so full of thought and emotions. I think I want something and then my mind changes just as suddenly. But one thing that I have really been feeling the last week or so has been a desire to go back and be in Ukraine. I long for those streets and those buildings. Buildings I never thought I would care to see again, the first time I saw them. But now, thats where my mind is, and I feel, my heart as well. Anytime Ukraine gets mentioned, I can't help but think of what an amazing place it is. I want to walk down Kryeshatic again, or sit in the park in Khmelnitskiy. I want to talk with those people again, and ride on Marshrutkas. I do miss it, and I look forward to the day that I get to go back, but I am happy here. I am loving my life. Its absolutely different from when I left, but its fun as well. I like meeting new people, it is good. I wish I could say it all here on my blog, but there are things that just can't go on here.

From Here To There and Somewhere

Death is a consequence of birth. It's true, you know. We are born in order to die. Nobody thinks that when you are brand new, and I don't think it should be brought up, when life is shining before you. But it is something to keep in mind as you go throughout life. Not in a paranoid kind of way, but in a way that will urge you to think "what am I doing today?" How many days do I have in my life? Nobody here could tell you. We can all make guesses, and I think that most people do, ranging somewhere between 80 and 95. But for some of us, life is much shorter, and when that time comes and its time to look back on our life, what will we say? What will we think? Will we look back and say "I wish I had done this" or "I wish I hadn't have done that". Will we think of all the missed opportunities that crept by us, or that we foolishly threw away for some other seemingly important task? None of us want that. We want our lives to be rich and full of value, meaning, memories, and purpose. We want to be able to reminisce in the nostalgic days of yore. We will want to be sentimental from time to time, and look back with a smile as we view in our minds what we no longer see with our eyes; the past.

And thats just how it goes. An moment comes and then its gone before we really even fully know what happened. Its gone. Was it a good one? Well thats up to you, right now. The past is constantly being made, and once there, it can't really be changed. What happened to you will always be what happened to you. There are no time machines, no regret fixers. Just more time ahead of us to make better of what we did. So how do we fix it, or how do we work it out, so that every past moment is one that can be cherished and treasured? My answer came from President Thomas Monson in a talk he gave in April of 2008. He explains:

Sometimes we let our thoughts of tomorrow take up too much of today. Daydreaming of the past and longing for the future may provide comfort but will not take the place of living in the present. This is the day of our opportunity, and we must grasp it.

Professor Harold Hill, in Meredith Willson’s The Music Man, cautioned, “You pile up enough tomorrows, and you’ll find you’ve collected a lot of empty yesterdays.”

There is no tomorrow to remember if we don’t do something today, and to live most fully today, we must do that which is of greatest importance. Let us not procrastinate those things which matter most.

I remember reading the account of a man who, just after the passing of his wife, opened her dresser drawer and found there an item of clothing she had purchased when they visited the eastern part of the United States nine years earlier. She had not worn it but was saving it for a special occasion. Now, of course, that occasion would never come.

In relating the experience to a friend, the husband of the deceased wife said, “Don’t save something only for a special occasion. Every day in your life is a special occasion.”

That friend later said those words changed her life. They helped her cease putting off the things most important to her. Said she: “Now I spend more time with my family. I use crystal glasses every day. I’ll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket if I feel like it. The words ‘someday’ and ‘one day’ are fading from my vocabulary. Now I take the time to call my relatives and closest friends. I’ve called old friends to make peace over past quarrels. I tell my family members how much I love them. I try not to delay or postpone anything that could bring laughter and joy into our lives. And each morning, I say to myself that this could be a special day. Each day, each hour, each minute is special.” - President Thomas S. Monson

And thats how we do it. We make time for the things that matter most. Sometimes we really just want to take a nap, but are we missing the beauty of the day that is around us? Are we missing time that could be spent with family and loved ones? And so, as we remember that we came here to get back there, let us make the most of our days, that they will be full, but not with regrets.

The Thing's I Love

You know, sometimes it takes a moment of silence to reflect on the ever moving road of life. And it is in these moments, I believe, that character is built and forged, as we search ourselves, our lives, trying to see where we are and if we are heading in the right direction. But it is also these moments when we realize how much we truly have in our lives. Amid the shouting and crashing of life, moments like these can be hard to find, but they are so very worth it when we find them.

One of these moments happened tonight, as I was sitting in my living room, talking to my mom. It has been over two years since I have had a late night talk with my mom. I love them. I love them because I love her. I love that we see eye to eye on life, and that our goals are the same: We both want our family to be together forever. I am so grateful for the gospel in my life which gives us this vision of where we are going and of what we can become. I am grateful that my whole family shares this same knowledge, and that it will lead us to become better people every single day of our lives.

I love my mom. I already said this, but it would be silly to think that I could say this enough. My mother is the sweetest, most loving, tender hearted mother there ever could be. She loves her children and thinks and prays about them daily. She worries and prays more about us than she has ever though about herself. She truly shows what it means to be a mother. Her selfless behavior and capacity to love shine through her and touches all with whom she meets. I am sure my mom cares more about me than I will ever understand. I love that I can see her again and give her big hugs throughout the day. I love her.

I love being able to be with my dad. I know life has been busy for him lately with the recent death of his father and with the returning of his son from a mission. But I love how level headed my dad is. He always knows that in the end, things will work out for the best. I am so grateful for his calm and it matches perfectly with my mom, who worries about us all. I love how much he loves his grandchildren, and how much they love him in return. I know he is excited for more to come, and can't wait until both Rudi and I start having kids. He is the best dad, and the perfect grandpa. No little grandkid will be loved so much, as my dad's grandchildren!

I love spending time with my brother, Rudi. He is my best friend and has done such a good job at helping me to be busy and involved in life, and meeting new people. He has been there to talk with me about my mission, as he is the only other member of my family to have served a full time mission. We can talk, and it is so nice to just talk about our missions, about life, about school, and about why things work out the way that they do. Without Rudi, these past two weeks would have been a much lonelier experience.

I love sitting and talking with Laina and Thane, as I get to meet their family once again. I love seeing Hobbes all grown up and Alice still little and smiley. I love that I can go up in the mornings, or Laina can come down, and we can just talk and I can spend time with her family (mostly running with Hobbes). It makes me so grateful for the plan of salvation, and how families just get bigger and better! I love her family, and I love her, as she tries to help me find a job, and keep me feeling up. Laina has always been there for me when I need it the most. I am grateful that she lives so close.

I love the short time I have had to see Mieken and Mike as well. I haven't had much time to see them yet, with Mieken being pregnant and busy, but I am so grateful for them. I love how happy of a couple they are, and how Mieken does her own thing. Recently at our Opa's funeral, Mieken came dressed in her colorful dress of blue, red, green, and yellow, a dress you wouldn't normally expect to see at a funeral. But Mieken wasn't going to give in to the common tradition of wearing a black dress, but instead her dress is just a manifestation of who Mieken really is, and what she truly adds to the world. This funeral was a celebration of life, not a mourning of death. And that's how Mieken always is, happy, and cheerful - always looking to lift others spirits. She is the bright color that lightens up our family.

I love the gospel. I love listening to the words of the prophets and apostles that are so timely and so wise. Their words truly are the words of the Lord, and they will make us happy. I love that during general conference I could listen to their words and apply them to my life, so as to improve upon myself. I love that their advice is practical, helpful, and leads you to do good to others. I love that it helps you forget about yourself and think more about the needs of others.

I love my life. The experiences for the good and bad shape us and make us who we are. How we choose to react to them builds our character and defines us as the individuals we are. I love all the experiences I have had. I hope to choose to make the most of each of them so that my tomorrow's will continue to be as great, and even greater than my yesterday's.

Hello, Farewell, And On Hold

The weeks went by and the months have now passed, feeling like a dream. Two years are now wrapped up and shaped, forever being what they currently are: the best two years anyone could have hoped for. Its no longer a speculation what my mission will be or what will happen, but it is a fact, a record, and a history of people and places. What did I do with that time I had? I made the most of it, getting out on the streets and teaching people the way to real happiness. And as this time rolled on, friends were made, and my heart came to love the Ukrainian and Moldovan people. It was a strange sensation, saying goodbye. It was a mix of feelings, anticipation in seeing my family, and a loneliness in leaving behind the country and people I have come to love. I was leaving for a strange land, a foreign nation. I was not returning to the place I had once left. I said goodbyes to my friends, who once were strangers, and got onto the plane, feeling as if none of this was real.

But it was. The plane took off, and who knows when the next time I will walk on that soil. The next soil I walked on was much different. Here I was, back in the USA, the nations capital. Here was a place where for the first time in years, everybody spoke my native language, but that doesn't mean that everybody understands you. 

And then the return home to the Salt Lake airport. We almost didn't make it home that night, but we were able to get off from the airport just in time before the storm came. And finally, at about ten at night, we landed in Utah. I didn't know what to do, or what to expect. What were people going to be like? What were they going to say? Were things different or were they the same? I guess I will just have to find out! To be honest, it was a little bit scary to see my family, but it was so exciting at the same time! It was just such a big moment, I didn't know quite what to do! Hugging my mother was the right choice. She started to cry as she hugged me for the first time in years. She was glad to have me home. Hello Family! Its good to meet again!

However, on the way home, we passed by the hospital where I had remembered reading that Opa had been admitted into. I asked my mom how he was doing. He passed away. It was sad thinking that I missed him by a day. I felt that I had developed a special connection with my Opa, having served in Ukraine, and he too, served in Ukraine, but in a different capacity. I had wanted to talk with him about the  places he had been and the things he had seen while there. But that will have to wait for another day. Farewell Opa! Until we meet again!

The biggest difference in coming home from when I left has to be the fact that I spent most of my time with Amberlee before my mission. And so getting back I asked to myself "where did all my friends go?" But I could answer that one. I had let go of most of them before I had even left for my mission, spending most of my evenings with her. So, here I am in a new stage of life. Getting back into the scene of things. Life and past memories hit me at almost every corner I turn, but I am excited for this stretch of life. It should be good. Lets see what life will bring!

A Farewell to the Wounded

Hello world! It is I, Colin, once again to post, but this for the last time in two years! Because as of tomorrow 1:15, I will report to the MTC in Provo Utah! Yeehaw!

So for my last post I want to say a little farewell. A farewell to the wounded, in fact. To all those who will miss my ever beaming laugh, or to those who will no longer get to poke my nose. For my witty remarks, and sarcastic humor that many people seem not to understand, myself included sometimes. Tomorrow, I make a new path in my life. I step off the old familiar trail and journey into a new, less familiar trail, one surrounded by leaping and wailing, scruples and rubles. Actually, I am not sure what the Ukrainian currency is, but when I find out I will let you all know! Now you have something to look forward to! Or you and I could just google it, which would be easy, fast, and reliable, but due to lack of buildup and excitement, I think you should wait until you get a letter or email from me.

Again, I speak to you, wounded. You have been with me to the end. You have stuck your fist in the ground, and pulled up ripe apple seeds! I am not sure what that means, but it must mean something important. And you have all cared so much for me, of this I say thank you! You have all been such a good support to me! And when I say "you all" I mean the like four of you who read this. But thank you to you all!

And now, for my closing remarks. Life, as we all know it, is a circle, a circle of life. There is no beginning, save birth, and there is no end, save death. And even then, death is more worked up than it ought to be. Its really just a passage way to more life, so really life is like a line. It starts, with birth, but continues on forever! Past planes, plains, and Prussia.

Now for my real closing remarks because my last ones were just silly. Thank you everyone for supporting me. Thanks for being my friend. Thanks for being my sister (Laina- I think you get more shout outs than anyone!). Thank you for all the help you have given me throughout the years, and I look forward to serving my mission! I know that what I am doing is the most important thing I could do in my life. I want you all to know that my mission has been a life time goal, and that there is nothing I would rather be doing. This is the most important thing in my life right now, and I hope that I can become the missionary God knows I can be.

Goodbye for now, until we meet again!

Colin

My Travel List

Here is a list of ten places I want to visit throughout my life, just for fun. Again, these are not in order of importance to me:

1. The Savannah in Africa and go on a Safari. .
2. Travel to Iceland, explore, hike, and enjoy!
3. Germany. I have to visit the homeland.
4. Italy. It is Italy, you have to love the history and culture.
5. Greece. So far the list is pretty normal for most people, but normal is alright and so is Greece!
6. Jerusalem. Lots of history and religious significance.
7. Egypt. The pyramids would be spectacular and well, there are more than just pyramids there!
8. Australia. Its a land unlike any other place on Earth.
9.
10.

Now these last two are left blank because I am not sure yet. I want to find two places that will be fun for many reasons, so I will have to do my research on the matter and I will post them sometime!

A Mission And A Life

So my blog has been dying the last few months from lack of substance and posts! I will have to spill my heart out on these pages so that I can make up for lost time.

So recently everybody has been going on missions, that is everybody besides those who haven't, myself included. But life is strange for me right now. It is sort of like I am in a freeze frame while everybody else is moving on with their lives. Its not that I don't like this, it is just different. I enjoy looking at other people and seeing them plan for their lives and for next semester and their lives just carry on, but mine will be spend studying Russian, the gospel, and living in Provo for three months. I really am so excited to go, it just still seems forever away. But everyday it draws nearer, the shadow of a relatively unknown lifestyle looms larger. I am excited to go to Ukraine for mulitple reasons and these are them in no order of importance, just as they pop into my head. First, I have never been out of the country and this will be a great experience for me. Second, I know relatively little about Ukraine and I will become a pretty good expert on it by thye time I return. Third, I get to learn Russian, a challenging language, but a skill that will stick with me the rest of my life. Fourth, I get to be a missionary! This has been a goal of mine since I can remember, well actually maybe since I was about ten. Before that, the prospect of leaving my family for two years seemed unimaginable. Fifth, I get to teach a message that will bring true joy to others and that I love with all my heart. This could probably fit into number four, but I decided that it deserved its own number. Sixth, I will get to learn skills that will help me throughout my life. Cooking, studying, working hard, living on my own, living with other roommates so to say, having responsibilities, gaining social skills, and having to be obedient. Seventh, I get to live away from home! This has been a great desire of mine recently, not that I don't love my family and parents, but I see my friends who are living in apartments for college and they are having great experiences that I just cannot have at home. And I know I will be on a mission, but still, it will be living away from home, and when I come back I plan on getting an apartment as soon as I have saved up some money.

So there are seven great things to look forward to on my mission. I also look forward to hearing about people and how their lives are going back here in the States. Laina and Thane could move, Rudi could get married, Mieken and Mike could buy a house, mom and dad could move, friends could go to different schools, get married, etc! But I know that I am doing the right thing by going on a mission and I would not trade this upcoming experience for anything!