This isn't going to be my normal upbeat blog that I usually post because right now I am feeling a bit depressed. Tonight was Senior Awards Night at east, and I had to go to sing for it. However, I never was called for an award which really made me feel bad. All of my friends were there and they all received awards which made me feel dumb. I don't know why I didn't get one, I am a good student, I ran track my freshman year, I was a Senator my Junior year. I don't know. I really don't care about having the actual award itself, but it hurts to know that I'm not valued. That's a shot to the ego.
Its just little things like these that make me feel unimportant, almost that I mean nothing. I haven't ever accomplished anything great in my life, and when I look to the future, I don't see myself as successful either. Maybe I am just bound by fate to live a life of failures. I mean, honestly, I don't excess in any area of life. My talents appear lacking. I am scared that I will end up in some job that I hate and won't make enough money to support a family. Everybody else in my family has that "everything will work out" aura about them, but I feel that mine is opposite of theirs. I mean, I look at my siblings and realize that they can do anything. Mieken is always smiling, even though she is care free, she finds ways to accomplish goals. Laina is organized, never letting things slip out of her grasp and will work until she achieves something. Rudi's intelligent and gets along well with everyone. People love him and would bend over backwards for him. Maybe I can try and take something from each of them and stick it into my life to become a better person.
